Had dinner with my best friend and her family last night...which meant I got to spend some time with the twins! Alexis and Kenzie-they are getting so big! Little sister has outgrown her sister by almost a pound! My ovaries hurt-so cute!!!

When I feel like tapping a nap rather than working out...I need to look at these pictures and remind myself what a difference everyday makes!  Here are some thoughts about my weightloss journey so far...and what I found to work and not work.  Still figuring it out as I go...but at least I'm back to trying again!

When did I hit my “rock bottom”?
My rock bottom moment was on my birthday of 2008. A friend had a Luai party and everyone was planning on wearing their bathing suits and grass skirts. Well being a “bit on the plump” side I decided just to get a lei and that would be my Hawaiian wardrobe.

 So I get to the party, excited to see my friends, yet it was soo depressing to see all these women who were confident in their bodies having fun and there I was sitting with my feet in the pool. I vowed then and there that next year I would wear a bikini to my friends Luai party.

What was my plan for 2009?
So I started watching my calories and dropped 10 lbs by Labor Day...met my first mini goal.  Felt great, was on my way to losing some more...and then my world collapsed when my mom suddenly passed away.  I spent the next 3 months just trying to keep my head above water and not cry at the drop of a hat.  End up gaining almost all of it back.

Did I meet my goals?
I met the first 2 goals, then backslide a bit, missed the birthday goal by 10 lbs and then only lost another 7 lbs thru labor day and then started backsliding to where I ended the year. It seems like I still feel the need to reward myself for meeting a mini-goal by splurging and enjoying all the foods I used to do and not exercising regularly if at all. Sometimes those splurges easily feel all too comfortable and I get back to how I used to be which lead me to my heaviest weight.


Why didn't I meet those goals...what stopped me?
Besides the whole treating myself with food for loosing weight thing?  (now that I write that it sounds awful!)  Basic motivation is the toughest for me. I can be a positive person and often have to pat myself on the back for the little things I do everyday in the right direction, just to keep myself from slipping back to my unhealthy patterns.
What about 2009 did not work?
I tend to have patterns where I go really good, reach a mini-goal I set for myself and then “take a break” and backslide 5-10 lbs in the wrong direction.

What are my weaknesses?
I like really good burgers and fries….and Reeses products: cups, eggs, pieces…anything with chocolate and peanut butter basically.

What are my strengths?
I used to keep a spreadsheet of all my foods, my daily weight, and when I exercised and how many calories I burned. I liked being able to see the relation between what I lost that week and the calories I put in my body. Working out definitely worked. Although I didn’t make my weight goal, I continued to shrink while working out. It IS true! I also started the C25K program, and got up to running 5 minutes at a time, then had some ankle trouble and never got back to it. I know that if I want to see results, whether it’s on the scale or by looser fitting clothes, I have to work at it. Nothing is free...and that holds truer than anything when it comes to losing weight and being healthy.

Wow...hard to believe that 2009 only has about 6 hours left...how is that even possible? This year has been full of emotions. Here are some of my highs and lows from the last year:

* I lost 45 lbs
* Then I gained about 15 lbs back
* I struggled with my Mom's passing
* I had to help clean out Mom's house she shared with Grandma because she couldn't afford to live there alone. I felt guilty for everything that I had to throw away or get rid of, but knew they would be better used by donating them to someone who needed them
* I heard my biological clock ticking
* I came across a wonderful group of ladies who helped me in my weight loss battle
* I got a promotion at work
* I was scared of working for an automotive supplier in this economy and tried to pinch pennies and be responsible
* I started blogging on a regular basis
* I started to run....almost 5 minutes at a time! That may not sound like much but try it...it's harder than you think if you are not a runner
* I finished my 1st 5K....not official but it still counts!
* My cousin had a beautiful baby girl in August, another cousin announced she was due in April with a girl and another cousin just delivered a baby girl yesterday....thus making my biological clock tick even louder...and of course the clock has a pink background
* My best friend had twins! Of course they were beautiful baby girls!
* I loved my husband more than ever as we celebrated our 5 year anniversary
* I couldn't believe how annoyed I got at my husband sometimes over piddly things
* I made my first apron
* I cried more times than I can count
* I felt loved and am blessed to have such a big wonderful family

I'm ready for 2010...a new year, heck a whole new decade! I am going to reach my goal weight this year. I hope to decide about extending our family this year. I am going to stop and appreciate all of those people in my life that make it better this year. I am going to do things just because I want to, because I deserve it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE...thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings from time to time. Your comments mean a lot to me. I hope we can help each other thru all the highs and lows of 2010!

Today would have been my Mom's 58th birthday.  She passed away 13 months ago.  The one year anniversary of her death was a very hard day. I choose to spend that day with my Grandma and went to the cemetery and prepared  to see the headstone for the first time later that week. Tears were shed because I wish that day had never happened...that it would have taken place 20 years in the future instead of a year ago. 

After much reflection, I have decided I will not be going to the cemetary today.  It just doesn't feel right today...today is a celebration of her life and not a day to mourn that she isn't here to celebrate it.  She was such a warm-hearted person....there weren't many people like my mom.  She had the biggest heart and cared about everyone!  She was such a gentle spirit...and that is what I will remember today.

Instead I have decided to I will be decorating our house for Christmas today!  My mom loved my Christmas trees and love the thought of everyone getting together for the holidays!  What a better way to picture her smiling then to get my house ready for the season.  I also think I am going to try a new recipe for dinner tonight, she always laughed at my kitchen antics...so hopefully she will help me whip up something tasty!

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Happy Birthday Mom....I know your spirit and soul surrounds me when I need it most.  I hope that never changes.  I see the signs...and I'm so thankful for them.  Every single ladybug you send me, the random cat that visited us that day at the cemetery and rubbed on your marker and looked at me with big round eyes, and the dreams of when you visit me, all remind me that you are still around.  I love you and I miss you.  Happy Birthday Mama!