Well only a few hours left for Thanksgiving, and it has been such a hard day so I am thankful it's come to an end.

I am so thankful to be married to my best friend. A wonderful man who has been my rock especially this last month dealing with losing my mom. I am thankful that I have a loving dog who thinks the world of me. I am thankful that I have an amazing Grandmother who is always worried about everybody else more than herself, even if it's not best for her. I am thankful for a supportive and big family. Can't imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with less than 20 or 30 people. I am thankful for my beautiful friends who have been in my life for so many years, some more than half my life! They are truly rays of sunshine that pick me up and make me smile when I can't get out of the gloom. I am thankful that I have a job in these trying times and pray that it continues for years to come. I am thankful for my health, even though I may be on the plump side still, I am blessed to have all my senses and original pieces and am able to use them all without problems.

It's the first holiday since my mom left us and the tears started this morning while I was watching Santa on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Then the next moment when I was standing in line to get my food once we were at my family's dinner. Normally I would help my mom get her food and bring it to the table but this year i was just standing there in line waiting to get mine and the tears started to flow. It just kept popping in my head the last family gathering we had had, which was Labor Day at the same place, and how I shook my head at what she had wanted, trying to tell her not to eat too much rich stuff because I know of how it would upset her stomach later.

Oh how I wish I could have loaded up a plate of broccoli casserole and mashed potatoes and turkey and ham for her today. And I'd had given her a big piece of pie or cheesecake for dessert with a smile instead of the normal "you shouldn't be eating that" face I feel I gave her much too often. But I can't and I won't be able to ever again. That just really sucks. Now that it's too late to really do anything about it, I realize how cold I must have been at times. It just breaks my heart and I am so sorry for all the hard times that I gave her over the years when it came to what she ate.

So on this Thanksgiving, I am giving thanks to my Mom for all that she did for me over the years. For letting Grandma and Grandpa raise me when she couldn't do it all by herself. For loving me even when I didn't want to seen with her in the mall when I was growing up. I am thankful for her always telling me how proud she was of me, whether it was for losing half a pound or for finishing my graduate program. All of them were sincere and from the heart. I am so thankful for all the extra years that we got to share with her after her pacemaker/defib had to be put in. Mostly I am thankful that the last words that I shared with my mom that day were I love you. I know it felt different that day when I got off the phone, kinda smiling like everything was right with the world....now I may just be understanding the power of why it felt like that.

Well....got my first injury since I started exercising. But did I do it stepping or walking around the block? Nope...did it on Saturday when I was at the Ohio State game! Go figure! Twisted it and it is now as big as I have ever seen it. Looks like i have a KANKLE! Pretty stiff but not too achy except when I try to flex it from side to side.

So I sit here watching The Biggest Loser...kinda bummed that I can't work out for a bit. Is that weird? For me it seems a little weird! It was just a few weeks ago that I was like kinda hitting a point where I was getting tired of doing aerobics a few times a week and getting bored with the whole being out of breathe thing. But now that I can't physically do it for a few days...I want to even more! Very unusual!

Here's to hoping the swelling goes down soon and I can walk normally again. The bruising has lightened up a bit...so at least that's progress!

Well...the night has come and gone. Sadly the New Kids on the Block concert is over. It seemed like yesterday that we ordered our tickets to the show, but turns out it was 3 months ago. I went with 2 of my cousins and we knew we would have a good time. The time would be filled with singing favorite songs while reminiscing about our childhoods and how our walls used to be wallpapered with BOP! and Tiger Beat posters and beds were covered in NKOTB bedspreads and pillows and we proudly wore the t-shirts and oversized shiny buttons to school on our jean jackets of course. So we get to the arena, which was in Cleveland...about 3 hours away from home. We walked thru the entrance, past the merch area, grabbed a pretzel and water and went off to find out seats. Oh we found our seats.....way way way up top! Yeah...that's our view.

We were like, well it's what we paid for so at least we are in the building. We were still excited but really had no clue what we were in store for. So we sat and watched Colby O'Donis and Natasha Beddingfield perform a few songs. Natasha was spot on for every song...she had an amazing voice! Great live performer-a true talent! So the time had come and all the seats had filled....the lights dimmed and the large silk screen behind the stage started to flash and you saw NKOTB filter across it with spotlights and flashes. Then you saw them. The boys from Boston lifted up from under the stage and the 20 thousand people, mostly women, went bazerk! Seriously you could hardly hear the first few lines they sang because everyone was like....OMG! It's NKOTB!!!

They put on a fabulous show...they looked hotter than ever and sounded great! They still have the moves that we all loved so many years ago. We stood and sang along for almost the entire 2 hours they were on stage. They had 3 or 4 costume changes and even at one point moved to a rotating stage that was closer to the back of the arena where we were sitting. It was cool because there they were right there with the other end of the fans who never thought they would get to see them up close. It was awesome! There were a few times after they sang their song that they just stopped and seemed to soak it all in. All the fans that were still cheering for them....almost 20 years after they first made it famous and nearly 15 years after they stopped touring. It was pretty powerful for a pop group reunion tour!

They sang alot of their old hits and some of their new songs, which are very good and all had a good beat. NKOTB are much sexier than they were when I was 12! The white outfits were the best-they looked hott! It was such a great experience and if I had to do it over again, I would definitely pay the extra $20 and get the lower bowl seats so I could actually see their faces.

I couldn't help but think back to the year that they played at the Ohio State Fair, I was probably in 7th grade. I didn't have the opportunity to go to the fair, it was all the way in Columbus for Pete's sake! I had plenty of New Kids stuff though so that kept me fulfilled. I wonder now if I would have even appreciated it as much as I did at this point in my life. I think that making my dream come true on my own, even if it was 18 years later was what made it even better!

I know, it's not healthy to weigh yourself everyday, but I do it. So hand over my scarlet letter and I'll slap it on my shirt now! I am a daily weigher and I am not afraid to admit it. I step on the scale every single morning and hold my breathe as the 0.0 flashes and wait for the number to appear. While I don't let that number decide my menu or agenda for the day, I do like to so I see how what I ate and what exercise I did the day before affects the scale.

There is some type of logic that one can obtain from charting their weights and measurement's. I know that soups and Chinese food make me bloat and make the number a little higher the next few days. If I eat protein with dinner, it is normally a little more down than before. Breads and sugars make it higher. Food is a science and everybody reacts to it differently, I am just interested more than the average person on a daily basis with how my body reacts to it.

Here is the one thing though that frustrates me about daily weighing. It is sooo frustrating to step on the scale everyday and not see the number change at all....until the day of my recorded weigh in!!! Last week for example my weight was the same Sunday thru Friday, and then on Saturday...BAM....down 1.4 lbs. Why did my body hold every ounce until the last minute???

I'm sure I will never know how the combination of exercising and eating affected it from ounce to ounce. And maybe not stepping on the scale and tracking it everyday would make it easier mentally for me to just be happy with a loss whether it happens over a week versus a little each day. But for where I am right now in the journey to becoming healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, I will continue to weigh in every day and just be happy that it doesn't climb day after day despite all the hard work I am putting in.

Maybe it will be this way forever, maybe it will get old in another few months, who is to say. But no matter what...I have to do what will keep my neurotic self satisfied as well!

I saw this quote when I was watching college football a few weeks ago. It was written over the doorway leading out of the Florida University workout room. I instantly thought, wow that's kinda motivating.

I added weights to my workouts last week and while I feel the burn with every curl, press and pull I constantly try to remind myself that it only hurts because I am not used to using those muscles not because they are going to explode and leave me unable to lift them the next day! Seriously doing Aerobic Body Shaping, a 55 minute cardio and sculpting video...I not only felt the burn inside my arms....but I could feel the heat radiating off of them and sweat so unattrively oozing from my pores.

It still pisses me off...if I can be honest for a minute, that I still am not capable of doing all the tall box climbs or leg presses. Urgh, my heavy little stubs just aren't up for climbing 14 inches repeatedly, not to mention with any added weight on my shoulders. It's irritating, but I know that I will get there. It might take me months and I might not be able to do all of them as quick as the instructor and use weights for like the next year....but mark my word...I will get there!

Oh yes, there will be pain...but in the end I will be stronger for it! Whoever said nothing worthwhile comes easily must have struggled with exercise or being overweight and out of shape at some point in their life!!!

My focus has been on losing inches and pound for the last few months, but this week I have been faced with loss of another kind. Death is hard enough to deal with when you can be prepared for it, if someone is sick or has lived a long life. But being thrown into the situation of losing someone and there is no explanation or good reason leaves so many questions unanswered. Why? What could I have done? Did I tell them everything that I needed to?

Last week brought news of a man that my husband knew that he had grown up with, had drove to West Virgina and took his own life by by jumping off the New Gorge bridge. He was 35 years old. I had only met him once so while it was a sad situation, it didn't directly impact me but it made me sad for his 10 year old son and parents he left behind.

I then found out on Tuesday that a guy we went to high school with that had hung out with us at parties and was such a good guy and friend to so many people had passed away. He had joined the Marines after high school and had been living in Delaware and was living life with a thirst for fun and friendship. Still not knowing what exactly had happened to Marshal, it looks like he might have taken his own life. He was 30 years old and was engaged to be married.

The hardest news of the week came on Tuesday as well, actually earlier in the day before I found out about Marshal. I got a call from my husband who broke the news that our good friend's father had decided to end his life the previous day. He had been battling depression and unfortunately the disease took his life. My dear friend and her sister had lost one of the largest influences in their life and the man who helped them grow into the women they had become. While their parents had divorced decades ago, they remained close with both parents and their new spouses and he played a huge part of their lives to the very end. He was 55 years old.

While I can't imagine ever making the decision to end my life, I can't judge those that succomb to that. I can only feel sadness for those they left behind and for the many memories that will never be made. Depression is a sickness and it is frightening to think that something that strong can take over your entire thought process and lead you to do something that you normally wouldn't do. I am sorry that they felt there was no other way to cope with whatever they were fighting. You can be getting help and have the love and support of famliy and friends...but sometimes that is not enough to make it go away.

While holding my friend in my arms as she wept for the loss of her beloved father, I not only shed tears for the man who had left us so unexpectedly and the smile and laugh that will never be seen again, I shed tears for my friend. It makes me sad that she will not be able to talk to her dad when she wants to share something with him anymore. He will not be there for the family Ohio State versus Michigan football games they normally watch together every year. Her sister will not have her dad to walk her down the isle when she gets married next summer.

I just can hug her as hard as I can and attempt to give her some of my strength as she begins to live the next part of her life without her father. I can move forward in my own life by making sure that those in my life know how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I have been painfully reminded this week that you really never know when the last time you will see someone may be, so be sure to appreciate every moment you have with your friends and family.

Well I reached my first week of maintaining and not losing any weight. Ugh....how annoying! Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that I didn't gain anything, but am irritated that I didn't lose anything either. Not quite sure why, would like to think it was because I switched back the FIRMing instead of waling as I want to continue losing more inches. But I know that the body and the way that it loses weight can greatly fluctuate in the way it loses weight.

I know that I should be thrilled that this is the first lull that I have experienced, and I am thankful that I have lost weight each week for the last few months. I just don't like not losing weight when I have continued to eat within my calorie range and continued exercising. It annoys me not to have an real reason why I didn't lose. That's the control freak part of me I guess. Annoys me but I know that I can't control this process and that I have to let it come off naturally and will experience ups and downs and obvious lulls. Just wish I could be rewarded every week with a slight loss to keep me going.

Well after making my first goal, I am happy to report that I saw another loss this week. Down 1.3 lbs which is great for being month-end and only getting to walk 2 nights this week. Got my new TransFIRMer this weekend, so I am starting back on workouts today.

I like the feeling of walking and getting out and enjoying the fresh air with Gresh, but I don't think that I am getting the changes to my body as much as I did when FIRMing. So I'm going to take another set of before pictures today and see how the next 30 days of FIRMing affect the shape of my body as well as my weight loss.

I set my first goal of wanting to lose 10 lbs by Labor Day. It has been 7 weeks since I started this journey, Labor Day is here and I am happy to say....that I have met and exceeded that goal!!! At weigh-in this week I lost another 2.9 lbs which put me at a total of 11 lbs lost! Ahhhh! I know...how exciting right!

I was nervous to tell you the truth...the last few weeks haven't seen much fluctuation but it caught up this week thank goodness. I switched from FIRMing to walking a mile Mon-Thurs so maybe that switch did kick start my losses again.

Enjoyed myself on Saturday for the first OSU game (go BUCKS 43-0 vs Youngstown State) and a family cookout on Sunday. Had a few beverages and some yummy cookies and desserts, up a little bit but not too worried. Started walking 2 miles tonight so i am optimistic that this will help keep me on the losing track.

It's month-end this week, which means later hours so I am going to bring an extra yogurt and some grapes to help keep my hunger under control when I'm still in the office. Hope to at least maintain where I was this week, but if I see a loss that will be fabulous!

One goal down....3 more to go! Yeah Me!!!

Well 1.5 lbs wasn't lost this week...but .4 was! I would have liked to have lost another pound and a half, but I gotta be thankful for a loss at all! So even though it was a small loss, it still put me at my lowest weight so far. So that makes me happy.

So this week was also the 30 day mark from when I started the program. I have done the FIRM an average of 3 times a week and have seen 8.1 lbs lost so far. I took measurements and compared them to where I started a month ago....and I found out I have lost 8 inches! This change has brought my BMI down 1 1/3 pt!

:o) YIPPEE :o)

This week could be a milestone...these are the final few days before my first mini-goal deadline! GASP! Aand I have to lose 1.9 lbs in order to meet that goal. I have switched up my workouts and am now walking 1 mile a day and am going to try to do that 4-5 days a week. So far I have done it 2 days and it's only Tuesday so that makes me feel like I am on the right track. I gave myself until Labor Day, which is Monday but with the first Ohio State Game being on Saturday and a family cookout on Sunday...it looks like I will be tested to stay on track and see where I end up.

So you know how I saw a slight gain last week for the first time? Well I lost that weight, plus a little more this week, so I am proud to say I am successfully back on track! Yippee. I lost 1.1 lbs this week! So as of right now I am 2.3 lbs away from meeting my 1st goal! So exciting.

Feeling pretty good, been keeping with 3 workouts a week. Thursday and yesterday I did Express Cardio. Basically it's 35 minutes of high intensity step and impact aerobics. Chest burns from being out of breath about 10 minutes into it, but I guess that makes it obvious why I need to do it! Wanting to stick with this DVD all week and see if the focus on cardio helps kick up the weight loss. I love the strength training ones, but think maybe I'm working my muscles more and not targeting the fat enough. So we'll try it and keep consistent with my meals and see how the week progresses.

Yesterday as I was walking past the mirror, I could tell my stomach was a little less bulging than before and when I got out the shower today, my back fat pockets are starting to empty out which is a great thing. No woman feels comfortable with back fat! The other day, my husband said he can tell that I am working out so that gave me more motivation than he'll ever know. I wish you could bottle that feeling so I could take a swig whenever I am feeling stuck. You are always your own worst critic, so even though I couldn't tell any big difference in the size of my body, it made me feel good that he could see a positive change.

Observation of the week:We went out to the Lake on Saturday night to watch a band and I had a few light beers. We got a pizza to take home. This pizza is amazing, and so we had been looking forward to it for a while. Note: this is the first pizza I have had in over a month. My stomach was soo upset and I felt like crud later that night. My stomach is handling foods much differently now that I'm not coating it in grease every other day. I guess the changes that I have been making over the past few weeks are affecting more than just the scale. They are changing my body internally and the way it reacts to what I feed it, even if I can't see it in the mirror quite yet.

Mini-goals for the week: Keep calories around 1300 per day and lose 1.5 lbs by Saturday!

Well....it was bound to happen...my first week with a gain!!! Given it was only .4 higher than last week, but I still don't like that it doesn't have a "-" in front of it. The good thing is that I can pinpoint why I didn't lose this week.

Ironically, I was good during month-end and avoided the sweets and caffeine filled beverages during the longer hours. With my work schedule bring crazy and far from the norm during this week, I actually ended up eating too few calories this week... thru Friday at least. Only got 2 workouts in last week too, so I feel that didn't help me get the results I am used to either.

Friday was my first "Free Day" that I have had since being back on track. I had a normal breakfast and lunch, but let myself drink several beers and partake in cheese dips and bbq meatballs and yummy cookies for desert. I didn't overdo it at all, but I immediately felt guilty when I woke up in the morning with that bloated feeling. Ugh...why did I eat that other cookie or why did I have any cheese & crackers at all!!! BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!!!

I don't want to go about this lifestyle change and deprive myself of enjoying the times I get together with friends. So I lifted my head back up and said that I am not going to let this little hiccup let me spiral down. I am back on track today and have a workout planned for later tonight and will make sure my meals are spread out with calories so I don't have too many at night that I need to shove in to get to my daily goal.

Onward and upward!!!

Whew....it's been the roughest week since I have been back on track yet! Thank goodness it's over. Weigh in on Saturday was delightful however...down another 2.6 lbs! Whoot-whoot! Only got 2 workouts in on Monday and Wednesday, but I think I got some cardio in by walking thru the plant all day and sweating my ass off inventorying hub and drum assemblies.

I have 2 successes I want to share this week. The first was my first meal out at a restaurant, Tumbleweed. I was able to resist the chips & dip, margaritas and deluxe burrito with cheese sauce. I enjoyed chicken with vegetables and a sweet potato...and I discovered that I loved the sweet potato and will be getting that again!!! The next challenge was inventory on Friday. While I did partake in a doughnut at breakfast, which later had me running to the bathroom with an upset stomach, I avoided ordering out and sugary treats. Pretty good for a 12 hr day that is normally filled with pizza, chips, sodas and chocolate!

Had a cookout last night and it was the first drop of alcohol that i had since i started eating healthy. Took a suggestion from a friend who told me to match each drink with a bottle of water. (thanks doll!) So I had 4 Bud Light's with water staggered in between. I normally would have probably had at least 6 or 7, so feel good about my self control there. I did however have 2 hot dogs. I hesitated on the second one but felt hungry so I ate another. I just hope it doesn't mess up my weight loss this week. Worked out today, hit it hard since I want to continue on this journey at the rate I am now!!!

This week worries me because it is month-end which means I will be in the office later hours and may even have to eat dinner there one night. Going to bring plenty of healthy snacks to keep me on track. Stay tuned for next week to see how I handle this one!

Another week down...and another 1.8 pounds gone! Week was good, got 3 days of FIRMing in on Sun,Tues & Thurs. New routine about killed me on Tuesday but I know it will get easier as it kicked my ass just a touch less when I did it on Thursday. I was sweating like I lived in Atlanta and my legs felt like jello, so I know I was giving it my all. And that makes me feel good.

Food this week was good, went to the drive-in last night and splurged with a hot dog and some popcorn. Stayed within my limits as meals were shifted a few hours later and lunch was lite. Brought some watermelon with us for a snack so that curved my craving for funnel cake or sugary coated roasted nuts! I skipped having them put extra butter on the popcorn too, figured getting it at all was a treat so who needed the extra liquid fat that would go right to my belly anyway.

I know I am losing at a consistent rate, which I am thrilled with, especially since I really don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything 98% of the time and don't finish my meals still hungry. I can't help but think back to previous attempts at weight loss and relish those first few weeks where I would lose 3-4 lbs a week. I try to tell myself that this time is different and that I am doing it the right way which is going to be forever, but I have to admit I would love to see a bigger weight loss each week. WHO WOULDN'T!!! But I am happy with the fact that the scale is consistently headed in the right direction and am almost halfway to my first goal of losing 10 lbs by labor day!!!

This week's schedule presents some challenges. First on Tuesday I have a family birthday dinner at Tumbleweed, so already thinking of healthier options as opposed to the deluxe burrito and margarita I am used to having. Thinking maybe roasted chicken with a sweet potato, probably will have extra meat to use for lunch the next day. Going to drink water instead of alcohol and avoid the chips at all cost. Not worth it! Because of this I also need to switch my workout day to Monday since we will be going right after work. Resting 3 days in a row...we'll see how that affects me. Second challenge will be the arrival of "The Chad". He is coming back for 35 days on Wednesday and this normally includes eating out more than normal. Glad we can't really afford it anyway, that makes it easier to turn down Tuesday Wing Nights and so forth.

Overall I am pleased with my progress so far, feel healthier and am sleeping better since I cut out excess fat and sugar. Seeing the number drop on the scale feels so good and keeps me motivated for the next day. Luckily I haven't seen an increase from day to day, just maintaining and losing so I know I am going about this properly. LF Cottage cheese and pineapple has become my sweet treat and I look forward to it now instead of cheesecake ice cream. Ironic huh?

So I got back on track on Tuesday, the day after my 31st birthday and have had a pretty good week. I did get 2 days of FIRM aerobics in. I have successfully avoided candy, snack cakes and chips all week and only had a nibble of a DOVE dark chocolate square last night. Limited myself to maybe 3 diet sodas all week, mostly drank water and maybe one glass of milk with breakfast.

Took my measurements and "before" pictures last Tuesday...wow was that depressing but somehow encouraging at the same time. It kinda smacked me into wow...I do need to lose that much weight. Trying to keep that in my head whenever I want to slip and grab something sugary.

Lost 2.6lbs this week, pretty good for 4 days being on plan. Feel good, was a little hungry and then reminded myself to snack healthy in between meals to keep the edge off. Had a headache on Wednesday but think it was more stress knowing my Grandma was having surgery the next day. Could have been lack of fat/sugar too, who knows. But after that day didn't have any more bad ones.

Got about 80% of the FIRM workout done, those freaking tall box dips and climbs are insane! Especially for a short person. I remember when I was doing it regularly I still struggled and couldn't keep up with their speed. But now it's harder because not only am I slower I am really struggling to lift my fat ass off the floor. Those and those side plank things I do about half way for now. But I'll get there, when I can't keep up I march in place to at least keep my BP up.Let's hope for a good week filled with healthy food and encouraging effects!

Yep, it's true...I am calling myself fat. No longer will I refer to myself as fluffy, chubby or chunky girl....I have become obese. So I have decided that now is the time to get back on track and start paying attention to myself and what type of person I am becoming. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I have always had issues with my weight. It has been a year since I quit watching what I was eating and started letting everything go right into my mouth. All forms of physical activity besides walking to the fridge and into the office have vanished from my weekkly schedule. Its really sad, but I am tired of feeling out of breathe and embarassed in my clothes which have become visibly tighter.

So I am trying to stick to a clean eating program and get my body back in gear by doing the FIRM videos and starting to walk our block again. It's almost a perfect mile around our cirlce and about a year ago before I stopped giving 2 shits I was up to walking 2 miles a few times a week.

My long and short term goals are as follows:

Lose 10 lbs by Labor Day Weekend

Lose 25 lbs by Christmas

Lose 50 lbs by Memorial Day Weekend

Lose 60 lbs by my 32nd birthday (July 14) and wear a bikini in public next summer

I know I can do this, I have done it before with focus and determination. I remember how good it felt when I saw my body tightening up and the lbs melting away. It didn't get here over night and I know it isn't going away overnight so I need to keep positive that I can and will do it. This time is for good....I have too much of my life left to spend it unhappy with myself.