Well only a few hours left for Thanksgiving, and it has been such a hard day so I am thankful it's come to an end.

I am so thankful to be married to my best friend. A wonderful man who has been my rock especially this last month dealing with losing my mom. I am thankful that I have a loving dog who thinks the world of me. I am thankful that I have an amazing Grandmother who is always worried about everybody else more than herself, even if it's not best for her. I am thankful for a supportive and big family. Can't imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with less than 20 or 30 people. I am thankful for my beautiful friends who have been in my life for so many years, some more than half my life! They are truly rays of sunshine that pick me up and make me smile when I can't get out of the gloom. I am thankful that I have a job in these trying times and pray that it continues for years to come. I am thankful for my health, even though I may be on the plump side still, I am blessed to have all my senses and original pieces and am able to use them all without problems.

It's the first holiday since my mom left us and the tears started this morning while I was watching Santa on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Then the next moment when I was standing in line to get my food once we were at my family's dinner. Normally I would help my mom get her food and bring it to the table but this year i was just standing there in line waiting to get mine and the tears started to flow. It just kept popping in my head the last family gathering we had had, which was Labor Day at the same place, and how I shook my head at what she had wanted, trying to tell her not to eat too much rich stuff because I know of how it would upset her stomach later.

Oh how I wish I could have loaded up a plate of broccoli casserole and mashed potatoes and turkey and ham for her today. And I'd had given her a big piece of pie or cheesecake for dessert with a smile instead of the normal "you shouldn't be eating that" face I feel I gave her much too often. But I can't and I won't be able to ever again. That just really sucks. Now that it's too late to really do anything about it, I realize how cold I must have been at times. It just breaks my heart and I am so sorry for all the hard times that I gave her over the years when it came to what she ate.

So on this Thanksgiving, I am giving thanks to my Mom for all that she did for me over the years. For letting Grandma and Grandpa raise me when she couldn't do it all by herself. For loving me even when I didn't want to seen with her in the mall when I was growing up. I am thankful for her always telling me how proud she was of me, whether it was for losing half a pound or for finishing my graduate program. All of them were sincere and from the heart. I am so thankful for all the extra years that we got to share with her after her pacemaker/defib had to be put in. Mostly I am thankful that the last words that I shared with my mom that day were I love you. I know it felt different that day when I got off the phone, kinda smiling like everything was right with the world....now I may just be understanding the power of why it felt like that.